kristin has been a bad kristin
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
