Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
