i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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