got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize