I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
