hotel room ftw
i was born a porn star she said
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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