Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
