I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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