Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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