Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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