now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
