I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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