You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize