New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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