i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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