It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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