I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
