Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
