The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?