Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??