what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm fucking your sister right now.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.