I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.