90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
