We're like a lot better than the average bears
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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