How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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