New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
