I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
