my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
