So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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