We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
