His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
