Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
