oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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