he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
