Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life