i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover