It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.