Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.