You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked