My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
