Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
