just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
