He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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