I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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