so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
