I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Two words: nipple clamps
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