I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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