What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
