Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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