i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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