I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
