is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
