living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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