I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Non-Jews are for practice
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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