You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
