just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
