I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
