You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize