9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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