I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
