i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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