I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
