No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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