i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
