Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
