can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
