Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
