There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
