I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My liver just had a heart attack.
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I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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