he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
