it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know her cup size but not her name....
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