the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
