I can text with my tongue
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There r osticjed everywhere
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
