I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
