guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
