I want to make a zoo with you.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She told me I should be a condom model.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Randomize
