He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
