So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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