so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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