How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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