video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
