Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
